My older brother and I, chasing each other,
Running through the house as kids do,
Knocked him down by mistake, he injured his head,
And our carefree kid days were through.

He was five years old then, and over the time,
His body grew up with the years.
But his mind stayed behind, retarded he was,
And that was the start of the fears.

Very quiet we were, or the convulsions would come,
He ate with a football helmet on his head.
And the nights were the worst, for not many slept,
As he struggled and thrashed in his bed.

I grew quiet and withdrawn, and lived in my world
Of books and fantasy and fear.
On the surface I seemed fine, but inside I hurt,
And I grew shyer and shyer each year.

Finally he became too much to care for at home,
And he was placed in Laradon Hall.
He lived there several years, quite a happy child,
Until the day my mother got the call.

I still can see her slumped over by the phone,
As she was told that my little brother had died.
The worst thing for her was not getting to say
Good-bye to him, and she cried, and she cried.

I finally shared this with my father one day
As I asked about what I was like.
He said, "Oh, no! Have you been carrying this
All this time since you were a tyke?"

"That's not true at all - that was just a fall,
His problems started six months before!
He'd had unconscious spells before he was hurt,
The disease had already thrown him to the floor!"

Encephalitis it was, the autopsy showed,
Probably from a mosquito's bite.
It caused the retarding, and it burst his heart,
And let him move on to the light.

I was amazed that I felt a great lifting of weight
From my soul as I heard what he said.
The pain and the fear that I'd felt for so long,
Began to lift from my heart and my head.

As an adult, I know it was just fate,
An accident for which there's no real blame.
For that eight year old boy, still inside of me now,
His misconception was his reality all the same.

As I release the pain, and peel away the fears,
I find talents and skills, words and song.
Things I had no idea were there, I almost missed out,
Because I almost waited too long.